Tuesday, August 30, 2011

God is spelt with a Q

God has a tendency of rocking up at my door

God has been stalking me in my dream
And I have learnt to sleep with my dream
With a dream

Then she woke up and flapped her bedding
Trying to get rid of strands of blonde hair
As if she was wishing away whiteness
But her dream was up and gone
Then she rushed out
catching up

But when I got to the door I could move no more
caught in a yarn of orange and purple wool
I stumbled and fell on my face
The wool looked like a blind cat with green eyes
And when my heart leapt out the cat's ears
I knew it was God
Wearing baggy jeans and kinky hair
And my heart shook my hand
With intensity

Fuck damn dyke the cat has been saying to the green eyes
her heart had learnt to wear pink lipstick and skinny jeans
and wool had become a web of butch dreams
caught up in mascara too heavy for coloured eye shadow
With God

I know you once had a cat named pussy
But entangled in your dreams she's been blind
And your green eyes aren't exactly white
So when God called herself love
Love became a dream
Your pussy dreamt of seeing again
So God started wearing hats
God dropped the G
G in G-string
and spelt her name with a Q
She has just woken up
Her dream is love
And she just learnt
That God is Queer

Monday, August 8, 2011


I used to look at my granny's labia at the onset of my puberty

I would stroke her clitoris while I bathed her in those days
I did not think that she'd be lesbian or even knew foreplay in her time
But i still looked at her two sunken lips and docile extension
I guess it was the curiosity that gave me thoughts on physical manifestations
the physical manifestations of womanhood, corporeality and embodiment
I used to wonder if this vagina popped out all her ten children
then why was granny's labia and its relatives so inactive now?
I used to think it was old age that had caught up with her or the freaking diabetes
You know the other day my doc said Diabetes does reduce sexual activity ?
But I know Diabetic women who still stand on Oxford Street as sex workers
But again is Sex Workers an appropriate term for women having 'transactional sex'
Or just a term trying to fit women's bodies into late capitalism and neo-liberalism?

My granny's labia perhaps should never be a topic for engagement
Not only because she's dead now but because it is a taboo subject
I don't think many women even talk of their own pubic hair enough
to warrant a talk of some body part that is now part of an ancestral whole
But I want to talk about what I saw in the bathroom so many times
This body that just wants me to talk because it is perhaps part of the 'memory project'
The memory project on which my thoughts have always coiled themselves
memories that often obscure my imagination and take priviledge over creativity
Of course my granny had nothing peculiar in her bodily geography
She would never have qualified for Georges Cuvier's exhibitions
Of Black women with 'pathological' steatopygia and elongated labia minoras
She would never (well, may be...) have been taken on a freakshow or museum in Europe
But her labia still took away my onset-of-puberty excitement about my own body

I know I lie a lot and by now you know I am lying about caressing my granny
I never stroke my granny's clitoris or even thought she'd be aroused while I scrubbed
But I always had many questions about my own body that I needed to ask
About what it felt to have a drunken man touch your labia everyday
Especially after your church meetings and women fellowships where women spoke like virgins
What was it like to have sex with a man half of whose brain was left in Burma in 1945?
A man whose bolts had become so loose after fighting a war he didnt understand?
I wanted to know whether it was that 'unwanted' sex that had made my granny's labia that cold
Whether it was all the hogwash of Christian teaching which conflicted her desire for sex
Teachings that made sex look too sinful for present day discussions of women's bodies
That should never be seen as evidence of sexual activity but as tunnels for posterity?
I really should have stroked my granny's labia then!