A Poem from the Dying

You know I wanted to be there
To hold you if you walk down the aisle
To hug you on your graduation
To play with the child you may never have
I for sure wanted to be there

I wanted to be there my daughter
To reassure you if your husband cheats
To tell you it is fine to date other women
I wanted to be there for you
If nothing else
To be a father
Your father

I watch you watch me
Blankly you blink
Lashes lightly touching
You afraid of closing them
Just in case you dont find me here
Once your eyes open

You know I wanted to stay
Just a little longer for you my daughter
But this pain will win me soon
And  I hope you will be gone
When they push me away in a trolley
Aluminium trolleys that have many before me ferried
Your mother, sister, uncle and a thousand strangers

I hope you do not see me lie there
cold, grey and vulnerable
I wish you dont see them cover my face
With this green sheet on which I lie
As if suffocating me to ensure I never rise
If I cant be there for you now
Daughter I do not want you there then

Perhaps if your mother was there
May be if your granny still lived
Or if your aunts really cared
I would not go so painfully
I wish someone would teach you
About menstruation
How girls get pregnant
For I worry about you
Even on my deathbed

Goodbye daughter
I leave broken, ashamed and weak
If you had grown a little more
I would have told you how I got here
But I will let you be the child you are
And when you grow up I know they will tell you
Dont carry my shame and agony
Let the world  afford you love